A Tale of Two Mars Returns in Gemini
Recently, Steven Forrest wrote an excellent article about Mars returns. If you'd like an introduction to this underrated astrological event, I highly recommend it. In the article, Steven mentions that he searched for examples of Mars return stories, and he was surprised that he didn't find any. My daughter and I both have Mars in Gemini, and we recently had striking Mars returns, so I'm taking Steven's comment as an invitation to share those stories.
Mars retrogrades are dramatic. Typically, Mars spends about 6 weeks in a sign, but when Mars turns retrograde, 6 weeks in a sign can turn into over 6 months. Mars represents our inner battery, the kind and amount of energy we have to work with. 6 months of Mars in a single sign is long enough that we can start to wonder if we're getting a personality transplant.
Unless, of course, Mars has gone retrograde in your natal Mars sign.
In my late 30s, my Mars return lasted 7 months.
This was the first time I had consciously experienced anything like this, and I didn't know what to expect. Extra anger? Bad headaches? Drama in my communities? With Mars in the 11th house (conjunct Chiron) those were things I had experienced with Mars in the past. The extra long time lead me to believe I would experience more of the same.
Instead, that extra long Mars season was a vitally important look in the mirror.
I knew that I was in for an interesting ride when, on the very first day Mars went into Gemini, a Virgo-ish friend of mine had the world's most eloquent breakdown. She described in exquisite detail what Mars in Gemini felt like to her. Scattered. Buzzy. Full of energy that was impossible to channel in a single direction. Brain fog. Embarrassingly chronic forgetfulness. An agonizing full-body pain the moment boredom set in.
"How," she demanded, "Does anyone live with this? How do you ever get a single thing done?"
I feel at this point that it is important to mention that the experience of transits is not the same as the experience of having that planet in that place in your natal chart. Unless you're blessed with vivid past life memories, your natal chart is all you know. You can't really know what it's like to live with anything else, and your chart is the lens through which you see the world. When we work with natal placements consciously, we have time to get to know them and negotiate a relationship that suits us.
There are also an infinite number of possible expressions of a planet-sign combination, and my experience is not going to be the same as yours.
That said, my friend's experience of Mars in Gemini stuck out to me because it was so familiar. I knew that buzzing energy. I knew the difficulty focusing. I lived with it every day. It just didn't occur to me that everyone else didn’t feel the same way.
I've written previously about the importance of recognizing that we don't all start from the same place in life. Some of us have extra advantages. Some of us have extra challenges. That doesn't make us less or more as people, but it does have an influence on the texture of our lives. It influences how much we have to fight for a place in the sun.
6 months of watching everyone around me struggle with energy that I work with every day changed the way I see myself and the world radically. It sparked an important conversation with my therapist that led to me receiving a diagnosis of ADHD, and it led to a period of unmasking, when I had to look long and hard at how hard I was working to look “normal” and keep my life together. When I accepted that focus and executive function are more difficult for me than other people, I was able to give myself permission to use tools that other people don't seem to need to manage my life. I live out of my todo list app and rely on excessive timers and reminders to get me places on time.
In giving myself permission to be myself and use technology to help me uphold my values, I realized that I had long been selling myself short because I believed I wasn't capable of stepping up with the level of organization I needed to reach my goals. (There's that Mars in the 11th house again!) I'm no Virgo (even if my progressed Virgo ascendant gives me permission to play one on TV) but people have started to ask me how I manage to be so organized. The truth is that I'm not organized, but I've accepted my limitations and handed over my need to be organized to technology that fills in the gaps.
Empowerment doesn’t always look like putting your head down and bulldozing your way through obstacles.
Mars Return… Toddler-style!
My daughter was born during that extra long Mars in Gemini chapter that helped me find the courage to accept the way my mind works. As of this writing, my daughter is a toddler, and I'm looking forward to seeing what her particular expression of Mars in Gemini will be like.
In his article, Steven talks about one of the classic faces of the first Mars return, the child who suddenly becomes willful and starts screaming, "NO!"
I have seen this face of toddlerdom, and I appreciate the way that Steven focuses on how natural it is for kids to flex their independence muscles, but I don't think that's what my daughter's first Mars return was about.
Typically, the first Mars return happens when children are about 2 years old. Because of that retrograde in her natal sign, my daughter ended up experiencing her Mars return extra early, when she was just about 18 months old.
(This is why, as Steven said, getting that exact date is important.)
18 months can be an important time with big milestones: walking, talking, feeding yourself, and learning how to fall and pick yourself up.
Mars isn't just our batteries or our fighting spirit. Mars is also courage.
My daughter started her life in houses with hard floors, and it took courage for her to practice walking when she knew that falling down would hurt. At 18 months, she lived with parents who both worked from home and took care of her, so meeting people she didn't see constantly was a challenge.
Watching my daughter grapple with her Mars return taught me that it takes a ton of courage to grow up. We can't learn to walk until we can face the pain of falling down. We can't talk until we can face the pain of being misunderstood.
Toddlers need courage to go down the really tall slide. They need courage to look a stranger in the eye and wave goodbye to their parents. They need courage to try new foods and face the disappointment of getting broccoli instead of chocolate. And they need courage to sleep in the dark.
Mars is the energy that gives us the strength to face our fear and pain and the grit to overcome obstacles. The Mars return is an extra boost of strength when we need it the most, but we all have choices about how we will respond to life's challenges. A fearful toddler can choose to face their fear and go down the slide, or they can walk away and save that challenge for another time.
For kids who are gentle or shy, the Mars return may not look like belligerence or shouting, "NO!" It may look like timidity around strangers. It can represent a challenge that a child is facing for the first time or the need for extra energy to reach a difficult developmental milestone.
Parents of toddlers going through their first Mars returns need a lot of discernment. We have the power to remove obstacles and take away necessary challenges, and we have the power to force our children to confront challenges they aren't ready to face.
Knowing your child's Mars sign--and the time of their Mars transits--can help you walk the delicate tightrope of helping your child face challenges without being overwhelmed by them. You can be the voice of Mars that gives your child the strength and courage to succeed at whatever life throws their way.
If you are struggling with Mars, or you are a parent who wants to become a better ally for your child’s Mars, I would love to help. Let’s have tea and talk about it.
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